A Soul'Crushing Burden: A Reddit User's Cry for Peace After "Horrible Things" at Work

A recent, raw and deeply personal post on r/SingaporeRaw by a user named IWantToSleepFreely has opened a window into a hidden world of professional trauma and unbearable guilt. The user, who resigned a year and a half ago after 15 years in a mysterious line of work, shared a harrowing account of deep-seated disgust and complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (cPTSD) stemming from "horrible things" they were involved in. Their inability to reveal details, for fear of "spending time in Changi" (Singapore's prison), has left them in a agonizing struggle for peace.

The anonymous individual described a gradual disillusionment that began five years prior, leading to daily nightmares and a heavy reliance on alcohol to cope. This self-medication eventually led to a nosedive in performance, a reassignment to a desk job, and ultimately, a forced resignation after being found drinking at their desk. The user recounted a severe alcohol poisoning incident that landed them in the hospital, leading to a cPTSD diagnosis from a psychiatrist who, despite prescribing a cocktail of strong medications, "couldn't help me much" due to the user's inability to open up. The user grimly noted the irony of being given antidepressants and sedatives while battling alcoholism and profound loneliness, describing how they overdosed on the pills and alcohol in a suicide attempt, only to wake up 22 hours later.

Now, four months sober and off medication, the user finds temporary sanctuary in a church, seeking redemption from a God who "just looks back me. No answer." The post paints a vivid picture of paranoia, with the user describing feeling "watched, followed" and resorting to elaborate routes to enter buildings. The church staff, unaware of the full extent of their torment, offer simple kindness, which the user cherishes. The overwhelming guilt and inability to share their tremendous weight remains the central struggle.

The Reddit community responded with a mix of empathy, speculation, and advice, grappling with the profound sense of helplessness conveyed in the post.

BornToBehead offered a sympathetic yet firm message:

I am sorry. You have been heard, but no one is going to help you find peace here. We would either be in the same boat of self-abuse, or we will have taken our own lives by then. The past is the past. You probably did something heinous from the sounds of it. But if you really want to move on, start by being healthy. Stop drinking, replace it with other activities.

blkplumber, a verified user, shared a similar experience of someone they knew who managed to turn their life around after leaving a toxic job, emphasizing that resignation was the first step towards change.

Some users questioned the secrecy, urging the OP to unburden themselves. lifeinspiredteam directly challenged the user's silence:

You say you can’t reveal anything because you "rather not spend time in Changi"—but you were willing to swallow a fistful of pills and down two bottles of alcohol. You flirted with death, yet you’re still here, clinging to some unspoken line you won’t cross. Why? If the guilt is crushing you, if the nightmares won’t stop, if even God won’t answer—what’s really holding you back? Fear of prison? Or something else? Time to shock everyone here with the truth. I post on website for you so no one can take or silence you.

Radixiee suggested modern solutions for communication:

You sound like you have some paranoia which is preventing you from trusting anyone to seek and get real help. I recommend you talk to chatGPT as a start, I prefer Claude.AI as it has a more compassionate tone. Hope it helps you relieve your past.

Other advice centered on finding new purpose and seeking spiritual guidance. DepthTimely9085 advised:

What's done cannot be undone. And since you know it deep down..find a purpose in life now. Help those indirectly you hv caused hurt. Soup kitchen or hospitals and do your part. Small steps helps. Or even orphanage. Or even in church you can give out Sunday leaflets and greet church goers at the door. Do your small part and find peace.

Lost-Hope-248 suggested seeking help from a Catholic priest for absolution:

How about going to speak to a Catholic priest to absolve you from "your sins"? The priest can't report you but at least your burden is lifted.

The thread paints a poignant picture of an individual caught between an agonizing past and a terrifying future, unable to reconcile their actions with their conscience. It highlights the invisible scars of professional trauma, the complexities of mental health, and the desperate search for redemption and inner peace when conventional avenues for help are perceived as inaccessible or dangerous.